The Clueless Wingnut Music Guide

One of my blog-met pen pals sent the link for LoveGodsWay.org, an anti-gay/gay "recovery" site. It includes sections on “Gay Bands” and “Safe Bands” put together by “Ex-Gay” folk singer Donnie Davies. Here’s the “Gay Bands” section. Verbatim. Really:

One of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their children's listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3 piracy.
Bands to watch out for

• The Spores (endorse suicide)
• Scissor Sisters
• Rufus Wainwright
• Merzbau
• Ravi Shankar
• Wilco
• Bjork (mb)
• Tech N9ne
• Ghostface Killah
• Bobby Conn
• Morton Subotnik
• Cole Porter
• The String Cheese Incident
• Eagles of Death Metal
• Polyphonic Spree
• The Faint
• Interpol
• Tegan and Sara
• Erasure
• The Grateful Dead (AIDS)
• Le Tigre
• Marilyn Manson (dark gay)
• The Gossip
• The Magnetic Fields
• The Doors
• Phish
• Queen
• The Strokes
• Sufjan Stevens
• Morrissey(?questionable?)
• The Pet Shop Boys
• Metallica
• Judas Priest
• The Village People
• The Secret Handshake
• The Rolling Stones
• David Bowie
• Frankie Goes to Hollywood
• Man or Astroman
• Richard Cheese
• Jay-Z
• Depeche Mode
• Kansas
• Ani DiFranco
• Fischerspooner
• John Mayer
• George Michael (texan)
• Angel Eyes
• The Indigo Girls
• Velvet Underground
• Madonna
• Elton John
• Barry Manilow
• Indigo Girls
• Melissa Etheridge
• Eminmen
• Nirvana
• Boy George*
• The Killers
• Lou Reed
• Lil' Wayne
• Motorhead
• Jill Sobule
• Wilson Phillips
• DMX
• Lisa Loeb
• Ted Nugent (loincloth)
• Dogstar
• Thirty Seconds to Mars
• Lil' Kim
• kd lang
• Frank Sinatra
• Hinder
• Nickleback
• Justus Kohncke
• Bob Mould
• Clay Aiken
• Arcade Fire
• Bright Eyes
• Corinne Bailey Rae
• Audioslave
• Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Panic at the Disco
• Elton John(really gay)

Hilarious in about ten ways. Any list including both Cole Porter and Marylyn Manson is going to have a high mirth factor . It’s great that George Michaels is labeled a “Texan.” It’s great that outspoken homophobes like Nugent and Eminem are on the list. It’s great that he wonders about Morrisey (no one else does.) It’s great that Elton John shows up twice (must mean really really gay).

I love especially seeing hyper heteros like Sinatra, Jay-Z, DMX and Keanu Reeves (leader of Dogstar) here. Since the list is put together by a supposed ex-gay, one wonders if one some men get on the list by exuding too much man-musk.

I’m genuinely scratching my head over Kansas. The last I heard (in the late 80’s) from them they were including evangelical imagery in their videos. What’s the matter with Kansas?

And where the hell is Prince? As long as we’re on that subject, let’s shout out to some genuinely gay performers who missed inclusion:

-Bronski Beat
-Pansy Brigade
-The Dickies
-Baltimora
-Accept
-Bikini Kill
-Patti Smith

Feel free to add your favorite overlooked gay bands in comments.

Even better than the Gay list is the Safe list:

We know that it can be difficult to differentiate what is good or bad for your child. With that in mind Love God's Way has created this powerful tool to let you see some bands and entertainment that is safe for your children.

Safe Music:

• The Right Brothers (the list!)
• Dresden Dolls
• UnderOath
• Cyndi Lauper
• Falling Up
• Flyleaf
• THE TURNING
• Disciple
• P.O.D
• Evanescence
• By The Tree
• Scott Reed
• Michael W. Smith
• Jars of Clay
• DC Talk
• Danielson

Cyndi Lauper? OK, dude, setting aside the fact that “She Bop” is an ode to female masturbation, setting aside the fact that you can read a lot into “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” she covered Prince’s “When You Were Mine” which was about a ménage a trios. Oh, but a hetero ménage, I’m sure.

All this would be easy to dismiss as just fundies being silly and maybe even give them a pass. But I made the mistake of clicking through a link to watch to one of Donnie’s videos. Not only did he inflict on me the worst kind of treacly folk-pop, the chorus of the song goes – not making this up: “God hates fags . . . and if you’re a fag He hates you too.”

Which is appalling, but it’s worth noting that most of the song really sounds like Cartman turning love songs into Christian songs by substituting Jesus for the love interest. Especially when Donnie exhorts Jesus to “fill me with your love.”

A line, I believe, he stole from Erasure.