Friday, February 03, 2006

Jim Petro and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.

Apologies and hat tip to Judith Viorst.

I might have tried too hard to get campaign contributions or something from a lawyer and now there's pay to play allegetions on my campaign and all I did was what Betty did but that doesn't help me because I already said what a good AG Betty was and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

My party did a poll and I agreed to it except that I didn't agree to the results and it showed that I was the guy who could outrace Ted, except that it didn't, and the pollster asked nice questions about Ken before asking people if they like Ken or me better and they said "Ken." People said I was whining about the poll, but I wasn't, I was just explaining that it was really really really really really really unfair.

I think I'll run for Governor of Australia.

I picked Joy to run with me because a gun group likes her but they said that Joy is their best friend and Ken is their next-best friend and Ted might be their third-best friend and they endorsed Ken, so all that happened when I picked Joy was that everyone remembered how Phil left my campaign and that she had been mean to Terry.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

I could tell because we turned in our money reports and they showed I was ahead of Ken but people only talked about how Ken is raising money faster and that Ted has more money than either of us. My fundraising consultant said we'll do better next quarter.

Next quarter, I said, I'll be running in Australia.

The newspapers talked to Marc about his plan to fix special counsel spending and talked to Tim about his plan to fix special counsel spending and talked to Subodh about why he thought their plans were silly, and they quoted everyone about what I had done wrong. "I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week," I said, but nobody quoted me.

The left wing blogs made fun of me for pay to play.
I hate the left wing blogs.

The right wing blogs made fun of me for complaining about the poll.
I hate the right wing blogs.

The party wants me to drop out, the moderates think I'm a wingnut and the wingnuts think I'm a pandering RINO. My ex-friend Tom Noe is still out their somewhere and people want to know why I didn't investigation the Bureau of Workers Comp. Ken's friends are saying mean things about me to Bob.

It's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

My campaign manager says some weeks are like that.

Even in Australia.

4 comments:

Ohio 13 said...

Congrats on one of the finest posts on any political topic we've seen in a long long time. From premise to execution, we are duly impressed and doff our collective caps in your general direction.

Seriously, the combination of humor, and spot-on analysis is positively brilliant. Go Pho Go.

OH13

redhorse said...

Astoundingly good post. If there was a blogger carnival for this week, nay this month, nay this year, this post would assuredly be the hands-on favorite.

Hilarious post, Pho.

Michael said...

Brilliant Pho! Absolutely brilliant!

Mr. Right Angle said...

Excellent